I Few Words About Love

If I could describe love, it would be the unconditional caring for a person and their mental, physical, and spiritual well being, which means pretty much that regardless of how you feel deep down inside, you must do what makes that person happy and healthy. The opposite of love in my opinion is lust, it is the egotistic version of love, in its extreme, it is the unconditional desire to bring happiness or pleasure to ones self, which in a way is understandable in a sense because we are driven by lust in many positive ways. But when you have two people who are in true love, it can be a very uplifting experience for both parties. When two people only want whats good for each other, it is a healthy relationship, there should be no draining energy from each other to feel good. This is a generalization and is to be taken lightly, the complexity of love and relationships goes beyond words and text. Don't read about love in a book or watch it on TV, experience it.

"How much is real? So much to question..." - Stone Sour

Organic Processers

Does the soul exist within a synthetic consciousness? or is the soul something even man can create?

"A Florida scientist has developed a "brain" in a glass dish that is capable of flying a virtual fighter plane and could enhance medical understanding of neural disorders such as epilepsy.
The "living computer" was grown from 25,000 neurons extracted from a rat's brain and arranged over a grid of 60 electrodes in a Petri dish." - CNN Website

What will it mean when the time comes where technology has become advanced enough to communicate with the brain directly and modify neural networks to allow advanced learning among other things. What will it mean when the memory of a mind is able to be downloaded and uploaded from one body to another? Will this be the technology that allows immortality? Apparently we are not far from discovering the answer to a few of these questions. I guess this idea is nothing new, but rather something seen on the matrix, but the concept itself seems possible to an extent. If this layer of 25,000 neurons can fly a plane, what can a humans mind that possesses 100 billion neurons do with the correct software? The possibilities are endless and I can see this being the cure and problem for so many things, the potential for abuse is of course endless as is the potential for goodness. I believe that someday when mankind fully understands how the mind's operating system works, we will unlock many abilities and perhaps we will become more and more like robots, doing advanced calculations and simulations.

More to come...

"I was dreaming. Everything... Everything was so horribly dry, even peoples' hearts. From far away, as I watched the people who lived there, I always found myself wondering how and why could they possibly keep on living. What motivation did they have that would get up everyday, no matter what, for the rest of their lives?" - Vash

Concept: Good and Evil

Good and Evil



The concept of heaven and hell and the christian movement was quite a boost for mankind, I think it sped up evolution of humans exponentially. I don't know if it actually created or ended more wars, many wars were fought in the name of god, a lot of blood that no christian wants to hear about. As a child I of course believe in God, because I was told that only bad people didn't believe in him and of course bad people went to hell... and hell was hot and painful and it lasted an eternity which I'm sure is quite awhile. But of course then there's the transition, during those rebel years of teenage life. It's easy to blame this god everyone speaks of when things go wrong, but many people tend to not give him credit for when things go pleasantly. I'm no bible pusher, I just have come to accept this concept of an all powerful entity beyond our perception. It's not that radical of an idea, I see it as we are like bloods cells and god owns this body, a blood cell doesn't question its purpose it is just naturally pushed along the path that's intended for it through DNA and complex relations and reactions. A blood cell can't really comprehend anything beyond the bloodstream, it's just not complex enough or able to take in that kind of perception of the world. Well much are we like these cells, when you experience insanity, or a mushroom/acid trip, you experience things that just just didn't seem possible or explainable. Well with that in mind, I guess I FEEL that there is something out there.

The Christian God

Now I am all for Christians, I mean, they do a lot of good, but some Christianity is corrupt and ignorant. When someone tells me that god only saves those who worship him I get kind of angry. I don't think god created us to worship him day and night; I am certain that he has given us a choice to do that or experience life to the fullest(or both), which includes nature, love, pleasure, happiness and everything that life has to offer. I would say that taking a nature hike in the forest is more healthy and better for your mind and spirit then sitting in church singing old songs.

(I would just like to say that I don't think this is the way it SHOULD be, I just think that it is better this way for some people, and for others church is perfectly fine.)




Now as for the concept of good and evil, well I've grown up a bit skeptical about it, I just never could sit right with the whole idea. It seemed to me that good and evil is merely a matter of cultural and moral differences, people grow up experiencing a whole rage of different ideas and concepts and beliefs, this in turn creates general accepted moral expectations. Something radical is always at first considered evil, I mean at one point when no one knew anything about medical procedures, im sure it looked barbaric and dark to be experimenting with blood and organs to try to figure out what fixed them and made them work right, but now the medical industry (minus the corruption and power) is a blessing that saves and enhances all kinds of life (for example schizophrenics) At one point it was ok to watch gladiators hack and slash each other to death as im sure everyone knows now because of that kick ass movie gladiator. But now if you hack someones arm off you are pure evil and chriminally insane; your thrown into a police car then checked into the mental hospital or jailed for life.

Now as days you can beat someone up and you are considered a bad apple, nothing more, but perhaps one day hitting someone will be something only the sick, messed up people do, who knows?

But if you look at it from that point of view, you can kinda see that good and evil are not solid concepts, they are every changing and evolving continuously. What doesn't change is suffering, that is what we most rules are based on these days. It would seem that good and evil will continue to exist for many years, you say something is good you are creating something bad in comparison by doing that, and that is where we need to see beyond, we need to see that you can't have one without the other.


"That man is good who does good to others if he suffers on account of the good he does, he is very good if he suffers at the hands of those to whom he has done good, then his goodness is so great that it could be enhanced only by greater sufferings and if he should die at their hands, his virtue can go no further it is heroic, it is perfect." -- La Bruyere

The purpose in life

So im wondering, whats the purpose of life, I mean, I know its to find some girl, get married have a kid, raise the kid, work like 2 jobs and then retire with not much to show, but im wondering what the big picture really is. Could it be that our purpose is to colonize this planet until all natural resources are taped then move on to several other planets and do the same thing like some kind of fungus that sends it's spores into the wind to infect others resources?

Well either why I would like to know what MY purpose is, at one point I actually did feel I had a purpose and it seemed like quite an important one at the time, but then the doctors told me I was just tripping and that I had gone insane, so that kinda crushed my feelings about that particular purpose.

Well I came up with a new purpose. Picture this if you will, we live in a highly chaotic world, lots of stress and bad stuff all around, I see everything that makes us unhappy as rain, and I think what my purpose is, is to hold a huge ass umbrella for everyone around me, making their miserable lives just a tad bit less miserable by sacrificing on my part. Now how far I go with the size of the umbrella is kind of up to me, but it comes at a cost im sure. Maybe this is just my attempt to buy my way into heaven if such a thing exists. I'm not a very emotional person, nore am I even very nice in real life (im kind of an ass), but one thing is im generous with is money, even though I don't have much, I'm always helping people out with the little that I do have; it makes me feel good and helps people in the process, theres not much of a down side to it I dont think.

Efficiency too, thats another thing I need to beef up, my life has become rather pointless and un-goal oriented, I feel that my life is being wasted, but at the same time I don't want to lose my soul while trying to be all I can be. It's a tricky situation, but I guess I need to find a balance between both.

It's kinda weird, during my psychotic episode I use to listen to this techno song that I thought said "I am a raven"... well it was actually "I am a raver", but it sounded like raven to me, so I would listen to this song over n over n over and loved it, it gave me such energy. So I looked up the symbolism of a raven, and sure enough this is what I found:

"Raven symbolizes protection, initiation and healing. It brings in deep healing and signifies the death of one thing to bring in the birth of another. Raven’s other attributes are eloquence, change in consciousness, wisdom, messages from spirit and something unexpected, but beneficial would happen soon."

I know theres not much of a connection, but I find ever since I became schizo, everything I experienced had become exponentially symbolic.


"A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed." - Unknown

In the beginning...

Well this is my first blog post, I guess it's only polite to introduce myself and all that good stuff.

The names michael, I'm 22 years old and I have schizophrenia and am currently recovering, hopefully someday I will actually be back to normal, but for now im like 98% sane, which is more then most people in this day and age. One thing I'd like to point out is that I use the term "crazy" and "insane" very loosely, you will notice that when ur around me. I don't mean to offend anyone who suffers from schizophrenia, I just don't get offended very easly when it comes to terms like crazy, or coo coo or insane, or even mad, and if anything I find them a tad bit amusing.

I guess ill end this post with a random quote, which I plan to do for every post.

"There is a thin line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line." - Oscar Levant