Poison

It seems we live in a time where poison comes in many forms, to me poison is anything that harms a person. But there is a certain group of people that have been exposed to enough poison that they became immune to it over time; it's never a comfortable process. They use this process for people who have allergies but usually it starts off very subtle, the doctor slowly exposes the patient to whatever it is that they are allergic to gradually day by day increasing the dose each time. This technique works very well, but what happens when one is exposed to too much all at once?

Usually that person will become too shocked and it becomes un-beneficial to that person. A person should never start off with a high dose of whatever poison it may be.

I may have been exposed to too much myself, it caused a lot of problems for me, perhaps it even triggered my schizophrenia and my use of illicit drugs to cope with my abundance of stress and darkness that developed due to the amount of poison in my mind.

I grew up on a computer for the most part, on the uncensored and raw information super highway, I expressed myself alot better in text then I did in real life, I was not fluent in real life and lacked many of the social skills that a normal person who was out and about. At first I loved to listen to peoples problems and I became real good at helping people deal with theirs, all the while ignoring my own. I found peace helping others find peace. But it came to a point where I ignored my problems so much that I didn't realize that they had built up within my mind, unorganized, unresolved. It was too late, by the time I realized my mind was poisoned I had already lost it. Instead of listening I was now talking and could not listen to anyone. One thing you realize is that not a lot of people can listen to there friends, it is hard to find a good listener.

I think I was so liked back then because I could truly listen with an open mind to most my friends, some even were concerned that I never talked about what was going on inside my mind. Eventually my mind became too poisoned and I made less and less sense, and I talked about the most random things because of the fact that my mind was a full cup, spilling water from the sides, oevr flowing with nowhere to put the excessive water.

Ultimately I lost my mind, and the cup fell over due to the excessive wave of water that spilled into it. This is one reason I created this blog, so that this situation would never happen again, I can not afford to relapse, I have (in a sense) wasted too much time. I'm 4 or 5 years held back from my goal, but I also understand that I can not do everything at once or I may lose that which I require so very much, which is my sanity.

Be sure to open up when you can, a mind can only take so much seclusion.

"History shows that the majority of people that have done anything great have passed their youth in seclusion." - Thomas Carlyle